I ♥ Hello Kitty

♥ Thursday, April 28, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

28 april 2011

WHAT A SUFFER DAY ='(
last nite,tough nearly want die jor...><
headache,stomach pain,gastric and can't breath @@
gila...suddenly all sick came ><

my mum told me,maybe i lack of blood..
hmmm.maybe??

oh ya!! and i keep think dao one thing!!
that thing keep appear in my mind!! SHIT!!! I really hate that thing!!
what i need to do so that i can stop thinking of it??
i had ask him one more time..
i know i should not ask him yesterday..
but i cant stop mt self to luan luan think..
the last answer he told me was,he really dint find the girl..
haix... if u are me,will you believe on him???
i'm trying to believe him,,but,,
when i wish to trust him,i feel very hard to breath..
it's seems like i'm forcing my self to believe him..
maybe he's really lying me??
feels that i'm stupid,,
because......

1.I miss him fastly even after I meet him

2.I think of him before I sleep

3.when I wake up,I think of him

4.When he smile at me ,my heart beat faster

5.when I listen to a love/slow song and I WILL think of him

6.I WILL read again and again his text conversation many times

7.When me and him together,sometimes I become nervous/shy and I don't want the time to end.

8.I smile when I hear message tone, receive a message and hope,its him

9.I've forgotten MY ex

10.I want to have same interest with him

11.I cant stay mad at him for more than a minute or two.Actually I try hard to stay mad.

12.I'll walk really slow when I'm with him

13.When he call or just listen to his voice I will smile suddenly

14.When I look at him I cant see other people surrounding me.I only see him

15.I'll will smile by the smell of his perfume

16.I realize that I'll smile to my self whenever I think of him

17. I write this because he is in my mind whole time!

izit i'm not good enough?
maybe i'm not perfect...
maybe i should not become my self..
maybe i should change to other people @@

actually i'm just a simple girl..
the only thing i want from him is,,
i hope that he can remember me always,

when he were boring,dint do anything,play ball or play game..
izit hard to keep remember me? =(

i so wish that he can find me every minute of the time
i so wish that he can find me whenever he dint do anything.
i so wish that he told me when he want to go to a place
i so wish that he told me that he want sleep so that i wont wait his message..
i so wish that he can pei me sms and always talk phone with me
i so wish that everyday he can say he miss me that word..
i so wish that i can hug him one more time..
i so wish that he can care me every minute,,
i dont want he only care me when i'm sick that time ='(

but everything i think i cant get it again..

it's too late..
i need go study already and now he keep busy his basketball.. ='(
i keep feels that he slowly forget me already and,,,
only know to do his thing and very late then find me..
i'm not important already ...

he always busy fetch his sister,sleep,play ball and play game..
hmmm then me ler??
in your heart i'm number what??
maybe last?? or maybe i dint place in your heart?

he really change a lot..
maybe every guy was the same,,
when want chase a girl they will treat her very good,
but when together liao they will show their truly face..izit all like that??

say the true i really miss last time de him..
i miss the way he hug me..
i miss the way he talk to me...
i miss the way he hold my hand..
i miss every word he told me..
i miss the time we had out together..
i miss the way he kiss me..

for me..now everything had gone..
maybe he change already ='(

Been Here @ 5:34 AM

♥ Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

27 april 2011

I SHOULD GIVE UP RIGHT??

maybe it's time for me to let him do anything that he like..
he want how jiu how..
i cant keep control him and force my self to tahan the way he treat me..
i should let him go..
i should become my self...

maybe it's true i'm not mature enough..
maybe i still young,i dunno what love means..
maybe we two no faith..

from yesterday till now my mind still think about the girl blog..
i cannot forget every of her word..
for me,everything was true..
now then i realised i cant fight with her..
10 months de memories is stronger then 3 months memories..
she was right,not everyone can forget 10 months memories..
so do I..
I also cant forget our 3months memories..
people told me that it's just 3months,nothing much,,
but for me..??
he the most longer guy that i ever been together..
every nite,when i sleep i sure think why he want treat me like that?
izit i not good enough?

maybe i not good as his ex..
his ex really treat him very good,,
when he sick,she will send medicine for him,,
when he hungry,she will tapao for him..
when he got problem,she will help him to settle it..
but me??

when he sick,i only can say take care to him,,
when he hungry,i only can ask him to cook his self..
when he got problem,i'm the last person who know it,,and he never told me his problem..
maybe i'm a troublemaker =(
i cant help him solve anything..

The only thing i know to do is find thing to quarrel with him..

I'm useless right?
i know now he busy about his competition de thing..
but...i just need him to pei me when he were free...
aiks...he got time to go cc,but no time to talk phone with me =(
maybe i too boring for him liao?? ><
i dunno orh..feel so fan about this thing...T____T

i keep think about yesterday the thing..
i really dunno he lying me or not...
haix,,,
but i hope he not lying..
i just want he to tell me everything..I....
I WONT BLAME HIM...
I JUST WAN TO KNOW HE REALITY...
PLEASE,,CAN ANY ONE TELL ME??
WHAT I NEED TO DO THEN I CAN TRUST ON HIM AGAIN? =(
I CANT KEEP FORCE MY SELF TO THINK THAT HE DINT LIE AT ME ...
I REALLY FEEL SO SUFFER HAIX...=(

tomorrow he going to attend his competition jor..
hope he can win!!
if no win then dont call me belinda again orhhh!!!
GAMBATEH DEAR <3

"JIA YOU JIA YOU" IF WAN GET UR PRESENT!! =)

please dont lie me...=( i just wan to know the truth..please =(

Been Here @ 10:05 PM

♥

I ♥ Hello Kitty

26 april 2011

I'm trying my best to believe it..

Now then i realised everything i should say to him then he will do it..
if i dint say,then he wont do it..
i dont like people treat me like that..
this seems like he never wish to treat me good..
all everything need i say then he will do..
look like i'm forcing him to do the thing he dont like..
I THINK TOO MUCH?
but i'm not =)
i just say the true..

Every nite i also wait for his good9 message..
i know he very late then sleep..
but? does he know i keep wait his message?
i really put too much hope on him..
but every time he also can male me disappointed =(
i really dunno want how to treat him then he will change..
should i keep force him to change?
does he willing to change for me?

i had try my best to change for him..
i had try my best not to control him..
but??
why every way he treat me just the same???
i'm blurr with it..

now was 8.30pm..
i just ngam ngam read finish his ex de blog..
i dunno why i will see dao HER blog..
but i'm curious with HERblog..
then i decide to read it..
i tough i wont think too much..
but after i read HER blog...
i really cannot trust every of my dear de word..
i dunno why..every word of the GIRL write in her blog,i feel so true

SHE wrote : Thank you told me this cut = ')

Boy found the girl has a new romance. Would call her. Told her he wanted to say everything.

"In fact, I've never changed your mind before, the memory of 10 months,
Not saying forget to forget, I'm not the kind of guy,
I do not like to see you and the other boys too close.
If I do not care about you, I will not call you, it will not ask you so many things.
Because still love you, will call you and ask who the boy is. Ask you really love him?
Do you really think I have our memories of 10 months which gave forgot?
Will not, I am not that kind of male students. To now, I still have our photo, our memory.
I want you..: ') "

Thank you, tell me everything. = ')

Boy, in fact, "I" is also very like you.

if you are me,you sure know that SHE saying to my dear right?
IMPOSSIBLE SHE WANT TO WRITE SHUANG KAN?
do you know i got how sad when i saw HER blog?
do you know i got how hurt when i saw it?
do you know how my feeling when i know this thing was true?
do you know i keep lying my self that this wasn't true?
maybe he wont know how i feel..
for him i'm just a normal girl..
nothing special to him..

i feel so stupid when i keep think like that..
because in my heart,i know HE will find HIS EX when u know she got relationship with other guy..
but when i ask him,he told me that he dint contact her..
i had ask him for the 2nd time,but he say he dint call her..
i dunno i should trust him or not...
but say the true i dunno how to believe his word,,
because from the way he treat me....
it really seems like he had decide to betray me and find other..

At 1st i really hope that he told me the true..
and told me that he got find her..but,,
if he really got find her,then why he dont want tell me..??
he also know that i wont angry,but ??
it's better he told me the true than lie me..
he know i hate people lie.. ='(
MAYBE I REALLY THINK TOO MUCH? =(
HAIX....
i hate this problem...

He ask me to call him..
i ask him go play ball..
because i really dont want cry again..
i forcing my self not to cry in the phone again..
i dont want him to know that i cry because of him again..
but...
MY HEART HAD BROKEN INTO MILLION OF PIECES WHEN HE ASK ME TO BELIEVE HIM..
and lastly after close his call,my tears drop from my eyes..
i really cannot force my self to stop crying..
the reason i cry because i still not believing on him.. T____T
my mind keep think that he really got find the girl,
and every of the girl wrote on her blog was true..
i cannot force my self to stop thinking of IT...
CAN I TRUST HIM? =(
SHOULD I?

IF HE SAY HE NEVER FIND THE GIRL,THEN NEVERMIND BAR,,
ONLY HE ,GOD AND THE GIRL KNOWS what had they do..
i'm just the 4th people that dunno every thing..

what i need to do so that i can believe on him?
last time i had promise him that i will trust every of his word..
but this time,i really cannot..
my mind full of sadness =(
i so wish i can trust him one more time,but why i can't?
izit the way he treat me after we break make dao i dont trust him?
i already tahan my self with the way he treat me..
i never told him i that i hate the way the treat me..=(

i dont like the way he treat me!!
he seems never treat me like his GF..
he always wan practice his basketball,,,
GOOD LUCK IN YOU COMPETITION...
but how about me??
i only wan him pei me awhile,,but??
when we talk phone never more then 20 mins..
nevermind,,i dont want to mention it again..just let it pass..

I so wish that now have a people can understand my feeling ='(
maybe till forever never people will know how i feel..

Been Here @ 5:42 AM

♥ Monday, April 25, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

25 April 2011

Yesterday evening he told me he want take picture for the basketball thing..
hmm if i not wrong lar..
try u all imagine,, izit he take picture from 4.30 pm till nite??
Zzzzz..please lar..i memang know he need play ball,,
but he dint even told me..
then i keep wait him to find me..
but?? he dint find me too..
i wait dao 11.30pm,but he dint find me too =(

haix..dont tell me he dint even touch his phone for the whole day?
do u think it's possible? =.=
then 6.30am he sms me..
he told me that he got gastric and he dint send me nite message..><
he really got gastric lar,,or that time he ngam ngam wan sleep??
aiks..i dunno him lar..he wan how jiu hao jor...
i keep ask pun no used ler..
he also do it already,,
then u wan me how pula? go scold him?? @@

AIKS..i dun have the right to say him ler..
what i say also just a word..
he wont listen to it too..
then i say for what??
just let him do waht he like =)

I DONT HAVE THE RIGHT LER.. =(

Last nite mami help me dye my hair =(
become black colour ler...
really really sad a lot...
coz black colour really really ugly alot =( haix...
but wat can do,,the stupid school need black colour de hair aikss.. T___T

try you see before de hair =(

before de hair =( punya brown!!!! sob sob

after my hair being dye =( become black lerr T______T

really different alot right??
haix...really really really really really ugly alot =(
i prefer dont want put from my house for the rest of my life orhh T___T
shit!!
feels that i'm still form 1 agian =(
LIKE xiao mei mei!! OMG!!!

TODAY went to karamunsing with zoe..
we two go there SING K!! hahahah...
so fun =)

zoe the hair so nice!!! mine macam sha po =(

smile =) but i hate my hair T____T

Been Here @ 2:38 AM

♥ Sunday, April 24, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

24 april 2011

Today i out with him =)
hmm..i tough today i will happy a lot but..
actually i'm not happy =( haix..

he seems change a lot already =(
he change into like we two not couple anymore...
haix..know why i say like that?
because he dint even wear i give him the watch and ring!!
this was not the 1st time he dint wear,
because tat day on wednesday he got come cp,then that time he also dun have wear both of the thing..haix...
izit he really give up me that why dont wan wear it? =(
Nevermind bar,if he really dont want to wear it,then ot's ok..
i wont force him to wear it.. hmmp

other reason why he change is,he dint even ask i keep sms with who..><
usually last time he will keep seemy handphone and ask me..
but today he dint..he dint even touch my phone..=(
maybe now he dont care i sms with who already..T___T
this make me feel that i'm really not important to him already =(
aikssss....i'm faannnn!!!

does he know why i keep ask him out?
i keep ask him out,because i wan know does he still love me?
and i want to know does i still important to him? =( hmmp
but,after today i out with him,,
i finally feels that he really dont love me and i'm not important already =(
because he just hold my hand a while,
then the way we sit at cinema really look like we two dont have couple,
and we two just friend..=( haizz...
i really want to know what wrong with him ><

today was the 1st time i walk day jiang far from him,
and we two not talk much while we walking.. do u know why??
because in my heart,i keep feel that he just treat me like his friend,,, not much!! JUST FRIEND NOT LOVER !! =(
maybe i think too much? should i just let it pass?

I THINK I CANT FOTGET IT!!

after he leave centre,i sms him and told him everything..
he ask me to call him..
but i dint,,, =(
coz my mind was really fan and sad T_______T

about,4.30pm i call him..
he say that he still love me,
he also say that he go cp is because of me..
and ask me dont luan luan think..
haiz...do u think i wish to luan luan think?
i told him that not i want to think is,suddenly think dao =(
the way he talk seems like nothing had happen on me..
maybe he know that i wont keep repeat this thing on him T__T

i wish i can forgot every thing that happen today..
the way he treat me really like friend only..
today we two out seems like we two dont have out =(
so feels that better we two dint out..
then i wont luan luan think again =( aiksss

Should i trust every of his word?

Or i just let this thing pass and dont think this thing again??

My mind keep luan luan think and every of the thing that we had done today =(

Been Here @ 2:13 AM

♥ Friday, April 22, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

22 April 2011

I really gonna crazy soon
i'm wondering why my gastric cannot gone?? =(
i already eat medicine for one week already,but still de same..
haix...
it really make me very hard to breath =(
and make me feels wan to vomit..
today i had vomit two times T____T
suffer and tireddd haixx...

WHy my life so pity?
I had to fan about my gastric then i also had to fan about him also..@@
the think that i fan about him is,i dunno wan to believe his word or not..haix..
DO u know got how suffer when u are start trying to believe the people but the people keep tells lies?
then u wan me how??
i really hope that every of his word was true =( hmmm

last nite,he almost 12 am something then find me..
that time i not yet sleep,coz wan to try wait him..
i tot we can talk hp very long...but unfortunally,,
we just talk a while..
he say he want go home already and ask me to sleep..
in my mind,i sure know that he wont jiang early go home..
i know he sure will go yam cha with friend or go cyber..
i not angry him because he go yamcha or go cyber..
is,,i'm angry because he lie me.
he say he wan go home,,but??
did he go home?? he 5.50am something then sms and tell me that he ngam ngam reach home..
that means,from the time he close my call he dint go home..right?
then why he want say to me that he wan go home? ==

izit talk handphone with me very hard?
izit i very fan to him?
maybe all i say was true.. right??

last nite i ngamngam think dao one thing..
that is,,he told me that he need to fetch her sister go tuition kan?
then that means he always about 1pm sure will wake up lor..kan??
then why everyday he need about 4pm something then find me?? ==
i really got jiang not important to him?? maybe right?!!
i agree too =)
I'M NOT IMPORTANT FOR HIM..

THANKS..I KNOW I'M JUST A TOY.. =)

this few days i keep think and think..
maybe i always fan his life,,
maybe i'm the one who keep disturbing him to do his thing..
maybe i too control him?

i already try my best to change,but??
he never change,i tot after he read my blog he will know what i really need,but?
he seems feel nothing for him..
maybe for him,every of my word was write shuang only..
hmmmm i really dunno want how already,, ='(

today i saw his facebook status..
the status write.." i wan watch movie.who can acc me? "
try u guys imagine if ur lover write like this,when they dint out with u today?
u all sure luan luan think that,maybe he dont wan out with us,but only wan out with his friend?
izit true??
then i jui sms him and ngam him..
but do u know what he say?
he say that status not he write de,is his brother de friend write..@@

then u wan me answer him what??
i terus speechless bar..i wan to believe him..but can I??
i has send him about 3 message,but he dint reply me..
if he dun wan reply then dun reply bar..
i lazy wan to force him to do the thing that he dont like... ='(
haix..izit my fault??
I KNOW ALL WAS MY FAULT.. next time i wont tell him what i'm thinking again,coz he never know my feels.. it's better i release all my sadness to blog..only blog know my feels =( haixxxx..

about 5.40pm he find me..
he say he sleeping just now ><
he sleeo fir the whole day??
dun tell me he dint ever touch his phone?
hmmm..imposibble,i dun believe orhhh =(
haix..then i told him to find me when he good mood ><
coz i lazy wan quarrel with him again..
so tireddddd =(
haix...

then...
about 7something he find me ler..
we talk phone,,
he say i keep diao him and hari2 marah himm...
hmm..i also not sengaja wan marah him bar...just dunno why i cant control my self..><
we talk not really long =(
he say wan play balll...haix..hari hari ball saja =(
BASKET BALL ALREADY REPLACE ME JOR T_____T

today i late eat my dinner,,then
the stupid gatric suddenly came againn...
pain dao...ben lai memang got gatric but not really pain..
but just now..pain dao i cannot walk jor =(

now 9.30pm already =(
suddenly headache...
haix....pain dao,,,
my head macam wan explode jor =(
help me T_______T

REALLY PAIN DAO WANT DIE LIAOOO =(

Been Here @ 12:36 AM

♥ Thursday, April 21, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

21 April 2011

I really sad alot,,
i tough can tomorrow can out with him,,
but??
he suddenly say cannot ='(
haix...does he know i got how SAD when he say like that??
i want go study liao,,but??
i only want out with him for the last time before i go study pun cannot?? ="(

haix...i ask him out at nite,
but,he say dun want,he wan play ball aiks... =(
sudah pun i memang cannot out at nite,then i wei ler him i wan out at nite,but he dun wan also..
he like this really make me feel that i really not important anymore..
he make me more feels that he dun love me anymore..
if he really dont love me,then why he dont just let me go?

i keep ask him how how how..
and i keep say to him that i wan out with him..but,
but he seems like no feel at all.. ='(
he keep say that i wan study liao,then he say he wan go singapore liao..
hmmp..if he know how to say like this,then why he still dun wan out with me?
haix...
maybe he zhao zhao plan liao dun want out?
i know he need to fetch her sister,but,at nite out with me also cannot??
hmmmp...i really put too much hope on him already....
now i really disappointed alot.... T___T

i really dunno know wan how already..
please,dun treat me like this..
do u know got how suffer i'm?
i just wan to out with you,izit hard??
i tough sunday we can out,but??
he say he need out with family...
izit all was just an excuse??
OMG!!

i hate excuse =(

We talk handphone almost 25min..
he say he tired,want sleep..
then i just let him sleep..hmmm...

i'm waiting him to find me,,
but at last,he din find me too..he din tell me he wake up and dint tell me that he go play ball..
this really prove that i'm not important to him anymore =( haixxx...

what had i done,till he wan treat me like that?
now then i really realised that nothing really last forever!!

now when he wan find me jiu find me bar,if dun wan then no need find me =(
up to him,,he wan how jiu how bar,,
i really dunno that should i put hope on him again?

he told me that he need fetch her sister go tuition from monday till saturday..
hmmm...2pm till 5pm..
i keep think that if he 2pm need fetch his sister,then that means he 1pm something already wake up,but??
why everyday he about 4.30pm or 4.50pm then find me??
what was he doing during, after he finish fetch his sister?
haix..he make me more keep luan luan think..
this really prove that he never think about me..
now then i really realised that i really not important to him in his life..
maybe i just a toy for him..
maybe without me he also can live.. =(

maybe i'm not prefect for you..

maybe i'm just a toy for you,,

maybe i'm disturbing ur life.. hmmm...

sorry if i'm not perfect..
sorry if i cant be a good toy as u needed,,
sorry if i'm disturbing ur life..
i really cannot do much thing for you,,one word to describe me,,
that is USELESS =(

i tough i got this sick, then u will care me more??
but all i had done just useless..
i dunno what are u thinking in your mind..
i dunno whether u still love me or not..
i dunno whether i still important or not..
i dunno whether how long again i can see u..

my sick seems never recover.. =(
i dunno want to eat what medicine again..
i so wish that i can disappear in this world and i wont fan so many thing again =(
haix...

I REALLY WISH TO DISAPPEAR IN THIS WORLD

T_______T

AND FORGOT EVERTHING IN MY MIND =(

Been Here @ 3:19 AM

♥ Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

20 April 2011

hmm..last nite he din reply my message...
but about 11.15pm something he suddenly find me ><
Duh....~~ usually every nite i wait him but he also dint find me..but??
last nite he suddenly find me..dunno why,,
maybe he tough i angry him?
but i memang angry him too...
because he din reply my message,and he din tell me that he go play ball @@

he send me a message and say he eating now..
he ask me later call him @@
but,i dint call coz i lazy sudah,,
i lazy wan quarrel with him..
the more i ngam him the more we will quarrel =(
i know last nite he wont go home early..coz
confirm he will go cyber @@
then i told him that,he wan wat time go hme also can,coz i lazy ngam him already ==
yesterday i dint wait him,because tis fews days i wait dao very tired ler,,
and last last he din find me and reply me @@

today,about 12.40pm he ask me to call him ><
then he told me that he read my blog already..
hmmm..i really got feels happy,because he read my blog..
i really hope that he got change dao..
but should i put hope on him??
i really dunno want how ler,the more i put,the more i scare i will disappointed..

we dint talk dao very long,, =)
i let him sleep..hmmm
the whole day ,,,i'm waiting him to find me..
i really tough he will find me?? and
i really tough he change jor,,but?
he can on9 facebook BUT dint find me.. =(
maybe facebook important then me??
dun tell me that his handphone dun have credit?
it's imposibble,coz yesterday i ngam ngam transfer to him man!! @@
then dun tell me that he go sleep back??
where got people wake up then on9,but dint find his gf??
that means his gf really not important to him @@

then dun tell me that is his friend help him to on9?
haix...please.. i dun like hear he say like that...
i send him a message,but he din reply =(

hmm..maybe i'm not perfect for him?
maybe he need de thing i still cannot give dao him??
hmm..nevermind bar,,i dunno want how to say him lerr...
he wan find jiu find,he dun want find then nevermind..
i also cannot control him..
he wan change or not is up to him..
I JUST dun wan he think that i'm control him =(

And Please!!! I hate Excuse @@

he din reply me,,but he call me...
that time about 6 pm something ler..
he say he at cp,,i dint ask him why he dint find me just now..@@
because i scare we will quarrel again =(
we went to eat at palm square with jason ...
hmmm..when i with him that time i seems feel different @@
i feel dao that we two de relation just like a normal friend =(
i dunno why like that,,izit we two long time dint go out together liao??

i keep feel dao that he seems like dun love me anymore,,
AND treat me like friend?? =( hmmph
and keep feel dao that he got new GF T____T
shit!! i really dunno why i will think dao like that.. =(
sorry if i keep luan luan think =(

last time when we talk to each other i wont sensitive with what he say,,
but?? when just now we talk,i feel very sensitive orhhh =(
that feeling suddenly came..
i really feel so suffer =( die lor me,if like this X.X
i suddenly think that i not match to him..
suddenly feels that i'm the one that keep disturbing his life =(
hmmmph

about 7.50pm like that i send him a message..
i ask him out with me on friday,
for the last,because i wan go study liao..
he say ok to me..hmm i hope that we can out on that day @@
i wan find back the feeling =(

i really wan crazy liao...
i hate my stomach!!
sometimes good ,then sometimes make dao me very hard to breath!!
it keep make dao me like wan vomit and cannot eat much =(
hmm..want really gila jor....
always wan worry about him and fan my stomach again @@
hmmmphh

I really suffer orhhhh T___T

Been Here @ 2:24 AM

♥ Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

19 april 2011..

Each day pass dao very fast..
now then i realised 24 hours pass dao very fast..
it seems like 24 hours per day not enough for me.. =(

i already try my best to eat my breakfast,lunch and dinner..
and...
i already try my best to eat my medicine and drink more water..
unfortunally my gastric seems dint gone..
every morning,my stomach sure very pain..
and make dao me very hard to breath..
i really suffer a lot... =(
i dunno want to eat how many type of medicine then my stomach will good back..
maybe this is a curse from god right?
maybe i had done many wrong thing =(

i never told him that i got gastric,,
i dunno want how to tell him..
i tell him also no used,he only will say take care ><
hmmmm..so i decide din tell him how suffer i'm..
i just let him treat me like that..
because i dunno want say what to him,so that he can change for me..

yesterday he din reply me..i dunno why,,
dun tell me that me train ball dao never see his hp??
maybe reply my message very hard for him =(
i really dunno want how to ngam him liao..the more i ngam,the more he wont change..

today went to city mall with my baobei <3
actually is my baobei the lao fetch us go citymall de,
but suddenly she with her lao quarrel =(
pig the bar boy,,always wan quarrel with girl,, zha dao ><
they always dont want let girl win @@
noob mannnn!!! ><

we two go papa rich eat lunch <3
zoe order bread and i eat rice, ^^
we two share the food...
so happy can out with her today,,coz long time dint went yam cha with her jor ><

after ate,we two go pharmacy..
i go buy my gastric medicine =(
hmm...that people give me two different type of medicine @@
hope after i eat it,my gastric will ok sooonn,,because i really sufferrrrrr!!! T____T

beside that,we went to veda blue eat icecream <3
hmm..zoe feels unwell that time..kelian her..
then she kena his BF GG.com again =(

we already call many friends to fetch us go home at city mall..
but all also give excuse ==
zha dao..if dun wan fetch then say lorrr @@
we two make a decision liao,that is we never trust anyone again!!
never trust on ur friends ><

but finally zoe friend fetch us go home..
i go zoe house and chat with her..
we talk alot..thanks baobei..

hmmm..that time already 6.30pm something..
he still not yet find me..
when i call him that time,he say he ngam ngam wake up ?? @@
should i believe??
i hope he not lying ><

i really dunno how he can tahan din find me for the whole day??
maybe he really no feeling on me ler...
that why he can, not find me for the whole day @@
should i put hope on him?

about 7.15pm something i sms him,
but he only reply me once..
why?? can i know the reason why he din reply?
nevermind bar,i already guess dao that he wont reply me..
but nevermind,,he want reply or not,up to him,
because i also not important to him liao..

I wont find him, until he find me..

I want him to know the feeling when he care the people dint
find him =( hmmmph

Been Here @ 7:10 AM

♥ Sunday, April 17, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

18 april 2011

today i din go to work =(
because my stomach keep feeling unwell T.T
haix....what happen??
i really suffer alot...that medicine seems no use to me =(
i almost eat 5 tablet yesterday,but??
still very hard to breath,i dunno izit gastric make dao me like that?? =(
anyone can help me??? hmmmp

last night he play ball till very late..
hmm,then he din told whether today we out or not..
but i already guess dao awal awal that today we wont out together..
because i already say kan that his competition important than me,then confirm
he sure forget wan to tell me that we cannot out today =(
nevermind bar,because i already know the answer before he told me..
hmmmmp..
i dunno want to use what excuse to ask him out with me..
my mind was empty,,i really dunno want how already..

last nite he din send good nite message to me again,
hmm,,maybe for him,send a message was very hard,,
nevermind bar,because i lazy wan ngam him again,,
ngam also no used lerrr =(
but he 5.30am send a morning message to me..
he ok ka? 5.30am he not yet sleep?? @@
then about 7am i replied him,but i memang know that maybe he sleep liao..hmm

9.30am he call me,but i din answer it,because i'm sleeping ..
why he call me?? got anything he wan tell me??
i'm wondering what he wan say.. hmmmm

about 4.15pm i call him,
he say he just wake up...
then he told me that he 5 something then go home,,
he say that he din call me,he just bu xiao xing press dao..><
hmm..we talk hp not more than 5min,
he say wan wash face..after that i jiu call his phone liao..
i sms him and ask him to find me after he done all his thing..

i keep wait him to find me..
i want to sleep,but i scare later he suddenly find me..
but..till 6.45pm he still din find me..
then i jiu sms him,,
he say wait,,he angry now ><

then about 7.17pm he ask me to call him..
he told me everything about his thing..
i told him that dun keep no mood,if not i help bu dao u,,but u know what he say??
he say i din say i wan ur help ...
OMG!! do u know i got how sad when he say like that?
my heart really hurt dao like hell man!! =(
haix...i feel that i'm useless,everything i cant do for him..
i'm a sucks gf..i know that !!

we quarrel again today =(
haix..i already dun wan this thing ever happen again,but?
maybe really all is my fault,i only want to help him,but when i more help,he more fan =(
I'M USELESS =(
i just want him say "ai ni" that word to me 1st..
because i wan him sweet sweet to me,,but?
he terus nget sai me,he say that i always wan him to say 1st..
haix..the reason i want him say 1st because i wan know his heart got me or not..unfortunally,
he cant get what i mean..=( haix...
he say that next time he wont say to me again,and if i say to him 1st then he will answer me fast fast then say close my call =(

say the true,the reason i dun want say 1st because i dun want close his call,
we really long time din talk handphone liao,the most long we ever talk is 12 minute only.=(
haix...try u imagine 1 day only talk hp 2 or 3 times? but each call only 12 min?
i only just need his care =( haix...
but he cannot get what i mean T____T

i really got jiang fan to him??
i really cant help him do anything??
izit i really disturb his life??
maybe all it's true..

i already try my best not to control him like before,,
but?? he seems din realised that...
haix i really dunno want how already,,
every night i wait him,but,he always play ball dao very late.. =(
he know that i'm waiting him everyday ka ??

day pass day by day..
each day the sick become more pain and pain..
my sick really very treble liao..
everyday also got gastric =(
hmm..maybe wan die liao lor... T__T
how??? i eat many type of medicine liao..
seems no used also haixxxxx....

GASTRIC MAKE ME MORE SUFFER =(
I HATE GASTRIC..

Been Here @ 11:57 PM

♥

I ♥ Hello Kitty

17 april 2011

times pass really fast,,
soon i will start my new life again..
i'm going to study and my life will all change...

i really tired alot already..
today i when to wisma with my maid..
we go there gaigai... =)
after gaigai,i go find ken to talk talk...
hmmm...we talk dao many thing..anyway thanks a lot ken..=)

today morning i din find dear,,
i dunno why i dun have the mood to find him..
maybe i'm tired because of the way he treat me??
about 12 smthng,he find me,,
he ask me to call him,he told me that later he go cp wif jason..><
hmmm..then i ask him fetch me at wisma,,
u know what his answer?
he say dun wan,because many people will follow him @@

haix...cp really near wisma alot man,,,izit very hard to fetch me?
if u say at 1b is imposibble bar,,but?? i just at wisma lor..@@
when i hear he say like that i really sad a lot..
i really disappointed =(
haix....maybe i really not important anymore liao..
i really dunno what is his mind thinking..
maybe no feels to me liao?

then i decide use teksi go back to centre..
then i sms dear and ask him at where..
he say he at suria liao....wan pei jason cut hair ><
hmmm...then i ask him whether tomorrow we got out or not?
he say see 1st... @@
astaga,,need see again de mer?
if he really got miss me,then he will out with me...

i'm wondering izit his friend important then me?
maybe if his friend ask him out,then he sure will out de..
but if me?? he sure say see 1st?
from the 1st time we couple he already like this jor..
maybe i already xi guan liao...but??
this time i really sad alot...
i hate him always say like that,,if wan out,then just say wan out lar bar,, =(
sien de lar... ><

today i ask him a question,
i ask him "izit dear accept me back liao?"
he replied me " dont luan luan think.nw i want concentrate my ball...sorry no care dao bii de feeling"..
hmmm...he say sorry to me??
does he really mean like that?
does he really feels sorry to me??
if yes,then why he want treat me like that?
can he just change because of me??

does he know how suffer i'm??
does he know how hurt i'm??
does he know how much i need him in my life??

he wont know all of this,because the only thing he care now is his ball..
i never angry with him because he decide to choose ball and leave me,,
but??
the only thing i really need is his care...
but he now cant give me..=(

haix,,this thing really make me fan and suffer a lot...
my gastric start to happen again,, =(
maybe realllyyyyy wan die liao lorrrr,because always no mood wan to eat @@
T_____________T

no one know how my feelsssssssss =(

haixxxxxxx........if u can,then

HELP ME!!!

Been Here @ 7:03 AM

♥ Saturday, April 16, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

16 april 2011

last nite he din send good nite message to me..
i dunno he busy what thing..
maybe i really not important to him liao..
or maybe i just think too much??

why i feel that after we two good back ler,he also seems more dun care me??
maybe he really forcing him self to accept me right??

he can everyday say" i love u" that word to me..
but?? izit he really say it from his heart?
or he just say like that coz dun wan me to sad??
haix...my mind really fan =(
break also fan,no break also fan @@
then i wan how orhhh???
shhiiiitttt!!!!
haix..i really cannot think what his mind was thinking...=(

the way he treat me is same like after we break..
i din feels any changes at all..=(
maybe he really din mean wan to accept me..
maybe all is just i too want liao??
I should not keep forcing him to accept me back..
haix..all my fault =(
HE always say want sleep lar,wan go eat lar and many excuse @@
i really hope that he never lie me..
haixx...i hate him lie me...
maybe he dunno the feels when his lover lie him orh!!
sien lor like this..not "trust lai trust qi"..
but not i dun wan trust man,is he make me dunno want how to believe liao =(

maybe he never think wan to accept me back..
maybe i force him too much liao!!!
haix............
the more i force,the more our feels to each other more less =(
I HATE THE WAY HE TREAT ME... T_______T

haix....=(
i really fan orrrhhhh!! and suffer!!!!!!!!

and i hate my gastric!!!
still not yet good backkkkkk!! haiiixxxx....
maybe gonna die soonn =(

I HATE MY LIFE!!
please!!! the only thing i need now is ur CARE!!!! =(

Been Here @ 7:09 AM

♥ Friday, April 15, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

15 APRIL 2011

FINALLY!!!! ♥

He finally says that we two good back ler..
but i dunno he really means it or not orh..
hmm..because he din tell me haohao =(

i really feels happy alot,,
maybe from yesterday he already accept me back,just he din say it to me..
hmmm,,but ,,
but i hope that he really means like that =)
i also finally got eat ler..
because this few days too suffer a lot that why i cant eat well..
plus i'm forcing my self not to eat =(
but when i eat my gastric seems dun have good too,
still got gastric also..
i dint eat my medicine..hmmm =(

what can do i too hurt liao that time..T____T

suddenly at nite feels that the way he treat me just like kena force..
haix...
i dun wan like that orh,,i prefer he din accept me,and told me the true..
it feels like i'm forcing him to do the thing that he dont like =(

sien lar like this..
other people couple will happy and xing fu..
but me???
i dunno i couple got get dao what =(
maybe i'm unlucky T_____T

Been Here @ 1:28 AM

♥ Thursday, April 14, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

14 april 2011

today was the 3rd day after the day we break..
after that day we break,i never had a good sleep..
i really suffer a lot,,
every nite before i sleep i sure think again,
why he wan like that??

this three days i keep dream dao nightmare.
i really very scare,
i scare he suddenly say he dun wan me back T_____T
i hate those feeling,,
i hope this thing can fast fast end..
i hope he can accept me back..
i know everything was my fault.
i maybe it's really too late i say like that,but i really regret a lot =(

I REALLY SUFFER!!!
AND I REALLY SCARE,,

today was the 3rd day i din eat my lunch and dinner..
i cant eat,when i saw food i no mood to eat.
my mind now only think dao him =(

today in the morning,my gastric came again,
but i just ignore it.
i din eat medicine and din drink water.
i just feel that when i'm like this more good,,
because i'm bad,and i should make my self suffer..
because of my one word i make dao our relation like this =(
better gastric dao die bar,i wont regret of dying now..
because at the moment the only thing i regret was the word i told him =(
sorry for the everything..

i want to sleep and forget everything!!
but i cant...=(
when i close my eyes i sure think dao him..
then when i'm fall in sleep i sure had a bad dream..
i really scare,i really suffer..
i suffer dao cant breath T____T
how can i stop thinking of him?
i think maybe that time i die already..
so hope that i can disappear in this world,and everything will end =(

haix...
today morning,i message him..
i ask him,izit his competition important then our relation?
until he willing to leave me awhile and concentrate on his competition..=(
i know that competition important to him,
but i promise that i wont force dear to do anything.
i told him that i'm suffer and i need him.
and i wont control him anymore,he wan do what i just let it.
i just want we can like last time,
happy and sad together..
without him i really cant life..=(

i dunno he trust or not??
but i hope he trusted on me..
no one know how i feel in this moment.
i really hope that he can understand me and give me a 2nd chance..
i beg him for the 2nd times already..
i'm serious in our relationship,
i dun wish that we just end it like that..
please..please please please please

if u (dear) saw my blog,i hope that u (dear) will understand my feeling..

Been Here @ 6:40 AM

♥ Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

should i give up??

i really gonna crazy soon,,
i dunno wan how liao..
keep think dao him..
my mind really full of him...

morning i sms him,and ask him to give my the 2nd chance..
but he din reply..
what does it mean? he really wan end it like that??
i think so...maybe i'm not important to him again..
then about 5pm i find him and ask him why he dint reply?
he say he busy..then i'm ok with it..

the only thing i can do is waiting his answer..
i really dunno wan how now..
cant eat,cant sleep,cant laugh..hmmp
why my life so pity??
he wont know how sad i'm,maybe for him is nothing..

i think i should give up everything??
i really suffer a lot..
already two days i dint eat..
hmm..i dun have the mood to eat..
many of my friends ngam me and ask me to eat,,
but?? i cant..

about 7pm something i find him back..
he say he was sleeping..
then i'm ok with it..
i ask him back again,what was his decision?
i keep ask him to give me chance.
but he say he wan rest a while,then he wan concentrate on his competition..
=( when i he end to me like that my tears really fall down,
but i just force my self to stop it.
i cant cry,i must become more brave!!

but,??
something miracle happen..
at nite about 9.30 something,
he suddenly ask me to call him..
that time i really happy alot..
i dunno what he need..
i dunno izit he want accept me back or not??

but thanks god..i really happy a lot..
he really find me back..

thanks for finding me back..=(
i really appreciate it alot..

today the whole day i din eat..
at nite my gastric suddenly come..
make dao me cannot breath and hard to sleep =(
i hate gastric..=(
hope tomorrow will good back T___T

Been Here @ 3:27 AM

♥ Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I ♥ Hello Kitty

12 APRIL 2011

finally this day had came..
i never thought that his day will came dao jiang fast.
i wont forget this day in my life forever..
this thing happen on 12 april 2011 on 6pm.
my mind really blurr and very faaaannnnnn...

today,he finally say that word to me.
that is " we be friend bar,i think we be friend better'
maybe all is my fault..
i should not say that word to him.
my mistake,because i said
" izit u wan break? "
izit all is because of that word?
if yes,then i think is my problem.
sorry i never think that this word can make us break.

maybe after we break then you wont fan so many thing again,
maybe when couple with me was a mistake,
maybe i'm not your type of girl,
maybe i'm not prefect enough,
maybe i too control u liao.
i just feel that everything was my fault,
i should not control you too much.

i told my self that i wont eat.
i will drink milk as my dinner and everything.
no one can control me.
maybe like this then i will more hate my self and blame my self.
then maybe like this man man i will forgot everything.

i had cry for de whole day,
he wont know how i feel,how sad i'm,a nd how hurt i'm.
maybe i cry dao jiang long also no used.
because he wont know also.
i just feel that i die better.
without him,i had nothing in my life.

maybe is too late i say this thing.
i still got hope?
he ask me to wait him.
then i will wait,i just hope that when that day has come his mind already change.
please,i hope nothing can change.

now then i realised that nothing is forever.
even, our life,,
when the time has come,then that was the time we need to leave this world.

sorry for everthing,
the only thing that i can do for you is wish you all the best.
take care.....

thanks for taking care of me for this 3 months.
this 3months i really happy be with you.
It's not being in love that makes me happy. It's being in love with you that makes me happy.

You have entered my heart... And You'll be here forever...

i love you forever till i'm dead <3

Been Here @ 4:59 AM